I have the conjunction in Sagittarius. When I was younger I was obsessed with Hans Christian Andersen tales and tragic folk songs (particularly those sung by Joan Baez in the early 60s). Turns out both Baez and Andersen have strong Neptune-Venus aspects in their charts.
In high school and middle school we had creative writing classes once a week and all my stories were about tragic love affairs, unfulfilled longing and yearning...
I wrote poetry like I breathed and loved (love) films like Ryan's Daughter and Swan Lake... I lived in a fantasy world until I was 26, refusing to date anyone because I was so caught up with beautiful, diaphanous visions of perfection that I didn't want to shatter them by confronting "reality"...
I eventually started to date and, well, my dating history reads like a who's who of Greek tragedy. I've been single for 3 years now and have filled my life with yoga, ayahuasca, shamanism and sea/boat-adventures... Now that my looks have faded I am no longer the “femme fatale film star” embodiment of this aspect that I was in my youth (not to toot my own trumpet but...).. In fact, all through my youth I was the unattainable, otherworldly "goddess" figure. A Melusine, never to be reached or understood by any man who fell in love with me (and fell in love with me they did).
I had paintings of fairies and selkies and all other types of ethereal beings tacked to my walls and I championed visual artists like Arthur Rackham and Edmund Dulac who illustrated myths and fairy tales with an exquisiteness that made me weep.
My clothes were often gauzy, white and floaty, hemmed with shimmer and sequins and romantic little details like flowers, foam, seashells and lace.
Looking back on these childish embodiments of the Neptune-Venus aspect I smile and shake my head a little...
What's left of it now?
Bitter disillusionment, lack of faith in love and men, disbelief in romance and relationships and eyerolling cynicism when anyone talks of bonds that stand the test of time…
Has anything worthwhile replaced this strong sense of disillusionment?
I now have a stronger faith in the Divine and a longing to "lose" myself in activities that foster a deeper connection with all life. I still dress in shades of pearl and seafoam and plump for any jewelry or clothing that hints at the sea: shells, glitter, sequins, gauze, mermaid motifs.
I still find it hard to say no to people’s romantic overtures, finding hurt feelings and wounded egos far too upsetting to deal with. It’s easier just to go with the flow, say yes and then simultaneously disengage and but also somehow take on all of their sadness at the same time. They then become part of me somehow, like I am them. I take on all their problems as if they were my own. A most sad, exhausting and curious predicament.
Love must somehow be muted, mottled, enhanced and elevated. Candles, dimmed lighting, wine, inebriation. Anything that takes me as far away from the other person’s reality as possible.
But then run I must. Usually the end of any tryst must take place in the form of a text message (I can’t bear confrontations) when really I should never have fallen prey to their come-ons to begin with. It’s a much more honest way and the end result is always separation and hurt feelings anyway…
Love somehow always must encompass an element of pity, sadness and feeling what the person feels before they even give themselves the chance to feel it.
So yes, certain elements of this aspect have shifted but I still listen to the otherworldly vocal stylings of Ms. Baez when the mood strikes me and I still read Hans Christian Andersen fairy stories and react to them like they were written about my life.
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